YOUR EMPLOYEES ARE NOT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS: The Most Popular (and Hated) Post We’ve Ever Shared

Okay, let’s get this out there right off the bat: Your employees are not your close friends. I know, I know—this is probably one of the most controversial things we’ve ever said, and it’s certainly the most hated post we’ve ever shared. But guess what? It’s also the most popular. And there’s a reason for that.

Let me tell you: I learned this lesson the hard way. More than once. Over the years, I’ve worked with countless business owners, and without fail, I’ve seen the same issue pop up over and over again: the blurry line between authority and friendship. And in case you're wondering, it rarely ends well.

I’ve never seen anyone master the delicate dance of being both a boss and a friend to their employees. The ones who are the best at it? They’ve earned their stripes the hard way—through broken relationships, lost trust, and the painful lessons that come with failing to set healthy boundaries.

Why It’s Okay to Like Your Employees, But Not Be Friends

First things first: You should like the people you employ. You spend a ton of time with them, and you probably brought them onto your team in part because you genuinely enjoy their company. In an ideal world, your work environment is filled with people who you respect, enjoy collaborating with, and appreciate on a personal level. That’s important for creating a positive workplace culture.

However, where things go sideways is when you cross the line between being friendly and being too familiar. That’s where the risk lies.

You may think that being friends with your employees makes you more approachable or relatable. And while that’s true to a certain degree, it’s also a slippery slope that can erode your authority and the professionalism that your team needs. The relationship between you and your employees is not one of equal power. When you have a personal disagreement with your friends who aren’t employed by you, there’s no hierarchy—no looming threat of job demotion, firing, or performance evaluations. But when you do have a personal disagreement with an employee? The stakes are far higher for them, and that’s where things can get tricky.

The Power Dynamic and Emotional Health of a Leader

As a leader, you’re in a position of power, whether you like it or not. Your decisions impact your employees' livelihoods, from promotions and raises to scheduling and job security. And while it’s perfectly natural to want to have close relationships with those you work with, it’s crucial to recognize that you cannot be a friend in the same way you are with people outside of work. Even if you think you have the emotional maturity and intelligence to navigate a friendship with someone who works for you, your employee also needs to have the same level of skill and awareness to make that relationship work. That’s a lot of emotional labor for both sides.

From a mental and emotional health perspective, you need friends who know you deeply, challenge you, and can be your support system—without the stress of authority hanging over the relationship. But that kind of connection isn’t something you can get from someone who is, at the end of the day, someone you employ. For your sake and for theirs, it’s essential that you establish clear boundaries between your personal and professional lives.

Current Research: Why Boundaries Matter in Leadership

Let’s talk about some current research that backs this up. According to a study by Harvard Business Review, relationships between managers and employees can be deeply influenced by emotional proximity. When leaders blur the line between personal and professional relationships, it can undermine trust and create discomfort in the workplace. Employees may feel torn between loyalty to their boss and their desire for personal independence. This can lead to performance issues, disengagement, and ultimately, turnover.

Research from The Center for Creative Leadership also shows that leaders who lack strong boundaries with their employees often struggle with emotional burnout. Constantly navigating the emotional complexities of being both a friend and a boss to your team can take a toll on your well-being, leaving you exhausted, stressed, and less effective as a leader.

Additionally, Gallup’s State of the American Workplace report highlights that employees who feel their managers are overly familiar with them—too friendly or too invasive in their personal lives—are 60% more likely to leave their job within a year. The reason? When professional boundaries are compromised, employees feel less secure, less respected, and less able to do their jobs without the emotional baggage of personal entanglements.

Setting Healthy Boundaries: A Guide for Leaders

If you already find yourself in a position where you’re close friends with someone you employ, it’s time to have some hard conversations about boundaries and expectations—before you get caught in a situation you wish you had avoided. Here’s how you can get started:

1. Acknowledge the Power Dynamic: Recognize that, as the boss, you hold a position of authority, and it’s important to maintain that distinction in your relationships.

2. Set Clear Expectations: Have honest conversations about what is acceptable both in and out of the workplace. Be clear about your role and theirs.

3. Create Space for Personal Relationships Outside of Work: Cultivate friendships with people who don’t work for you. These relationships will allow you to maintain your emotional well-being and avoid the complexities that come with blending friendship and authority.

4. Practice Emotional Intelligence: Be aware of your emotions and how they affect your relationships. Learn to differentiate between friendly gestures and boundary-crossing behavior.

5. Revisit Boundaries Regularly: As time goes on, regularly check in with yourself and your team about the state of your professional relationships. Are the boundaries still clear? Are there any tensions that need to be addressed?

   
   

In Conclusion

So, did you have to learn this the hard way too? It’s okay if you did. This is one of those lessons that most people experience at some point in their leadership journey. The key is to recognize when you’ve crossed that line and take the necessary steps to protect both yourself and your employees by establishing clear boundaries.

Remember: Your employees are not your close friends. And that’s not only okay—it’s necessary for both your mental health and your success as a leader. By respecting the difference between being a boss and being a friend, you’ll be able to foster healthier, more productive relationships that allow your team to thrive.

Tired of feelings like you are navigating this alone? Join us on The LIFT.