Don’t Mistake Armor for Strength: The Real Courage Behind Daring Leadership

Leadership is often equated with strength, confidence, and unwavering resolve. But sometimes, what appears as strength is actually a protective armor—something we wear to shield ourselves from vulnerability, fear, or discomfort. We mistake our armor for real courage, just as we sometimes mistake being tough or abrasive for having charisma. But as Brené Brown so powerfully points out, it's not fear that gets in the way of daring leadership—it’s the armor we put on to protect ourselves from the possibility of feeling "less than."

True leadership is about daring to show up fully, authentically, and vulnerably. But how do you recognize when you’re wearing armor instead of displaying true strength? How do you know if your "toughness" is a defense mechanism that’s hindering your growth as a leader? Let’s take a look at the common ways we self-protect—and how those behaviors might be holding us back from becoming the daring, emotionally intelligent leaders we need to be.

Armor Isn’t Strength

The idea of “armor” is something we all can relate to. Armor is our protection. It's how we hide our vulnerabilities, shield ourselves from criticism, or keep our fears from being exposed. But the problem with armor is that it limits us. It’s a barrier between us and true connection. It prevents us from fully engaging with others and learning from our experiences.

In leadership, armor often shows up in the form of arrogance, defensiveness, or excessive control. The leader who never admits they don’t have all the answers, who shuts down feedback, or who insists on doing everything themselves is often wearing armor. They may appear strong, confident, and even charismatic on the outside, but inside, they are terrified of appearing weak, incompetent, or vulnerable.

True strength in leadership, however, isn’t about guarding ourselves from weakness—it's about leaning into vulnerability, embracing uncertainty, and allowing ourselves to grow through challenges. As Brené Brown teaches, vulnerability is the birthplace of courage, innovation, and trust. And to lead with courage, we must first recognize our armor—and choose to put it down.

The Self-Protection Behaviors That Hold Us Back

We all have our go-to behaviors of self-protection. The trick is to recognize them before they derail us from effective leadership. These self-protective behaviors often come from a place of fear—fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough. But when we act out of fear, we limit our potential and the potential of those around us.

Let’s take a look at some common behaviors of self-protection that might be holding you back:

1. Are You a "Knower" vs. a "Learner"?

As a leader, do you tend to act like you have all the answers? Do you avoid situations where you might not have complete control or knowledge? Being a “knower” may seem like a strength—it can make you appear confident and capable. But this behavior can also close you off to new ideas, diverse perspectives, and growth opportunities.

Daring leadership requires the humility to be a "learner"—someone who can admit when they don’t know something, and who’s willing to seek out the expertise and insights of others. It’s about asking questions, being curious, and staying open to the process of learning. As John C. Maxwell says, “A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” But the key is showing the way by continuously learning and growing alongside your team.

2. Do You Tap Out of Hard Conversations?

Conversations about feedback, conflict, or challenging situations can feel uncomfortable, and many leaders avoid them to protect themselves from discomfort. It’s much easier to stay silent or sweep issues under the rug than to have those tough conversations. But avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t just hurt you—it hurts your team.

A leader who avoids tough conversations misses the opportunity to guide, mentor, and coach their team through adversity. To be a truly daring leader, you need to build the skills to engage in constructive, honest, and sometimes uncomfortable discussions. This doesn’t mean you have to be confrontational, but it does mean you need to be able to communicate openly, manage conflict productively, and navigate emotional conversations with empathy.

3. Do You Blame-Shift Instead of Taking Accountability?

One of the easiest ways to avoid feeling vulnerable is to blame others. When things go wrong, it’s natural to want to point fingers. It’s easier to make excuses or deflect responsibility than to own up to your mistakes. But as a leader, this behavior only damages your credibility and erodes trust within your team.

True leadership requires taking accountability—admitting when something didn’t go as planned, learning from it, and making changes moving forward. As Jocko Willink puts it in Extreme Ownership: “There are no bad teams, only bad leaders.” Leaders who blame others create a toxic culture of finger-pointing, avoidance, and stagnation. Leaders who own their mistakes foster a culture of learning, growth, and resilience.

The Path to Daring Leadership

So, how do we move beyond our protective behaviors and develop the emotional intelligence and communication skills required for daring leadership?

1. Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is one of the most important qualities of a daring leader. Leaders with high EQ are aware of their own emotions and the emotions of others. They use this awareness to manage relationships effectively, especially in difficult or emotionally charged situations. High EQ enables you to lead with empathy, take responsibility for your actions, and engage in authentic, honest communication.

Action step: Practice mindfulness, reflection, and self-awareness. Pay attention to how you respond in challenging situations, and ask yourself what emotions might be driving your behavior. Work on developing emotional regulation and empathy, especially during stressful moments.

2. Develop Strong Communication Skills

To become a daring leader, you must develop the ability to communicate openly and transparently, especially during difficult moments. This means having tough conversations, giving constructive feedback, and sharing your own vulnerabilities with your team. Communication isn’t just about what you say—it’s about how you listen, how you empathize, and how you create an environment of trust and psychological safety.

Action step: Commit to practicing open, honest, and empathetic communication with your team. When issues arise, address them directly and calmly. Instead of blaming or avoiding, lean into the discomfort and engage in solution-focused dialogue.

3. Create a Culture of Ownership and Accountability

A culture of ownership and accountability starts with you. When you take responsibility for your actions, you model that behavior for your team. Encourage your employees to take ownership of their work and hold them accountable for their performance. Foster an environment where mistakes are viewed as opportunities to learn, not something to hide or blame others for.

Action step: Lead by example. Take ownership of your mistakes and be transparent about your decisions. Encourage your team to do the same, and create an environment where feedback is seen as a tool for growth, not a source of fear.

Are You Ready to Become a Daring Leader?

Daring leadership requires courage. It requires the ability to be vulnerable, to embrace the discomfort of difficult conversations, and to take responsibility for creating a culture of accountability and growth. As a leader, you have the power to shape the culture of your organization, but that starts with you looking inward, taking off your armor, and being honest about the behaviors that are holding you back./

Are you ready to increase your emotional intelligence, develop the introspective skills needed to grow, and become the daring leader your team needs? If so, it’s time to start by asking yourself: What kind of culture are you really building?

Because leadership isn’t about having all the answers or wearing armor to protect yourself. It’s about showing up authentically, having the hard conversations, and leading with courage. Dare to lead.

Sources:

• Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

• Willink, Jocko. Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win.

• Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.